Momentous Month 

It’s felt like FOREVER since my last post. That’s probably because I have been busy shaping young minds (eeekk) along with my own (double eeeekkk)! 

I feel like I have transformed into a completely different person. This could be good or this could be bad. I have been teaching for a month and it has been a learning experience without a doubt. I teach high school students. Let me just say this, it is NEVER boring. 

For anyone who has ever been a first year teacher, especially one that teaches a tested area, you must know what I am talking about? I am exhausted. I am excited. I am concerned. I am nervous. I’m not nervous about talking to my students or standing in front of them to teach. I’m also not nervous about telling them that I don’t appreciate their young adult mood swings (hey, I have days when I don’t want to adult either). I am nervous about their future. I am nervous I am not putting all the right tools in their toolbox. I am nervous I haven’t gone over a standard enough. I am nervous I sound like I am on repeat. I get up at 4:00 a.m. just to consider my lessons. Are they good enough? Will this work for my student in the front? Do I need to consider assigned seating for this class? How will we review for this test? 

Yes, you can say I am a bit of a spaz right now. Oh, did I mention my 3 year-old started Pre-K too? Oh, yes! In case a career change, a husband who works away from home, bills to pay, two kids under four and animals to take of weren’t enough, we decided to send my biggest boy into the trenches. 

Sadly, my relationships are suffering as well as my sanity.  If you aren’t my husband or a teacher, chances are, we haven’t talked in a month. I would like to publicly apologize to all my friends and family. Please forgive this crazy person I have turned into. I hope I can be better at being a functional human being next year, after I have my first year teaching under my belt. 

  
Too soon? I think not. 

I won’t bore anyone with the ins and outs of my day. I know I am not the ONLY working mother in the world. I do hope I can carve out some time to post every now and again. It gives my mind some relief. In all my craziness, I have been brainstorming an idea for a book. I am looking forward to an opportunity to reasearch for it. 

P.S. I’ve decided to start using my old sign-off from my college radio days. 

Catch y’all soon! 

I’ve still got a lot of leaving left to do! 

Merr 

  
My sweet babe on his first day. I won’t share the one of us together. Apparently I looked so tired my dad thought it was the end of the day. The day hadn’t even started. Thanks dad. 

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Levels 

Life is scary on scales and levels. 

  

Working towards a new career, I would give that a level 6 on the rating scale. (Disclaimer: if you are trying to break into the stuntman business or studying to be a brain surgeon, your rating is going to be considerably higher than a 6). 

 Moving across the country away from everything you have ever known, that gets a 5. If you are moving alone, it gets like an 8…maybe a 9 depending on where you are moving to and from. 

If you are a first time mother, giving birth gets like a 6. If you are having twins, that automatically goes to an 8. If you are a mother of 3 kids under the age of four, your scary scale is off the charts. 

What is the point in all these scales? In our minds, we all have these levels. We may not correlate them at the time they are happening to us, but when we look back, we realize just how scary things really were. 

Yesterday, my 2 1/2 year-old was at the sitters. While the sitter was making the bed, he found a pill bottle in her bedside table. Let me clarify, my sitter is the most amazing lady in the world. She loves my children as if they were her own grandchildren. As far as I am concerned, she is an angel from heaven. I never worry about my kids or the care they recieve from her. EVER. I NEVER WORRY. Moving along, she is a hard worker. She works outside. She is Mexican (I’m sorry if Mexican offends anyone, but they have told me they prefer to be called Mexican instead of Hispanic) and all she has known her entire life is manual labor. Anyway, she sometimes takes a muscle relaxer at night. Fast forward to yesterday, my child is sitting in a corner with the muscle relaxer pill bottle. She then finds two of the pills on the floor and they are wet. She asks my son if he ate any, he tells her he spit them out because they were “yucky.” 

I won’t go into all the details because I don’t want to be judged by the decisions I made as a mother. All that matters is that he was fine. When I left to go back to work, he was happy and jumping on the trampoline. MY CHILD IS FINE. I don’t blame the sitter. Any type of situation like this could happen at any time. It could have been something at my home. 

I shared this moment of motherhood because at the time it was happening, my mind wasn’t telling me, “hey, this level of scary is 10.” Somehow my brain functioned through one of the scariest moments in my life so far. Somehow, being strong, brave, and completely scared all at the same time happened. 

Don’t let the levels fool you. Get through your moments and then look back and assess your levels. If you try to assess your levels first, you may never take that next step or you may freeze. You are stronger than you know. 

“You Gotta Show Them”

Today, on Mother’s Day, our church sermon was about showing our children how to be godly. It was about putting God first and always following his word. We were told that our children see through our ways. If we are simply pretending to be good people and not actually being good people than our children know.
For anyone who has known me longer than the 5 years I have been a Texan, they know that I didn’t belong to a church. They know that I did not always make good choices. They know that I did not make God a priority in my life. I can’t say that I know if it is the family I married into, or the friends I have made since living here, or the simple fact that I am now responsible for small humans that has made me want to put God first in my life. Looking back at stupid things I have done, there is no reason why I should be alive. There is no logical reason why I shouldn’t be a complete mess. I believe that God has a purpose for me. My purpose may be nothing more than to raise my children in a God loving environment. Whatever his intention, I am open to it.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful day. It reminds you that you must do your best for your children everyday. The worries and burdens of everyday can follow you around, but if you look into your child’s eyes and see the reflection of a good person, you have won half the battle. The other half of the battle is to remember to be a good person for them to look up to instead of just pretending to be one. I believe that being a mother or just a parent is a true gift. My Mother’s Day was wonderful. It was full of love, kisses and time well spent.

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