You don’t know me. I know you don’t know me, because I don’t know me. Here I am, wide awake at some crazy ass time. I have this burning sensation to write something, anything. I have all these book ideas floating around in my mind. I just have to commit. I have to decide which idea I should take a chance on and do it. I had to try really hard not to write “just do it” in that last sentence. I hate me. I hate 1:30 crazy, mind won’t shut down, me.
I keep thinking I should take a writer’s workshop or writer’s bootcamp. Do they even have writer’s bootcamp? They should if they don’t, whoever they is. I hate that last sentence. Can I write anything that would even be remotely interesting to anyone besides my mother? (Sorry mom, I love you.) I read books and I get inspired. Slowly, the inspiration fades. Then, I have these freaking insomniac nights where my body is basically letting me know that it will continue to torture me if I don’t write something. So, here I am, writing something.
But, right now, something is nothing. Something is a way to ease my mind. Something will let me roll over and go to sleep. Something won’t fill those depths and crevices of my empty mess. Something won’t make me strive to work harder and do better on my next book. Something won’t make me or anyone else examine and come head-on with those life changing questions. Something has all possibilities of being nothing.
What does it take for something to be everything? Do I need a fancy new laptop? Is it my location? Do I need more schooling? Should I try a stress-relieving workout? I could people watch for material. I could read more books. Should I pick someone’s brain who has written a book? What do I need? What will make my something turn into everything?
I have no answers, just the burn to write. I hope that in the end, that will be enough.
My search for help continues. This sparked my interest.
I have been going so long between posts. I am officially embarrassed. My New Year’s resolution is to finalize a schedule for posting.
I am…wait for it…wait for it…on my first Christmas break as a teacher. It’s wayyyyy past my regular bedtime. I have to admit, it feels childishly good to know that I have no work responsibilities tomorrow. But, at the same time, my teacher brain won’t take a break. I’m constantly thinking of time slots when I can get back into my room and post grades, make charts, and prepare lessons for the second half of the year. Also, in my non-sleeping brain I keep throwing around the idea of starting my workout routine back up. I will probably end up getting out of bed and just doing it, because let’s be honest, I can’t sleep thinking about all the salt, sweets and bad things I have been putting in my body lately. My Thanksgiving food trip to Ohio ended up being a bust because I caught some stomach thing and had zero appetite the whole time I was there. I actually lost weight on Thanksgiving (that sentence should never happen).
Also floating around in my mind right now, my hair appointment tomorrow. My Pinterest won’t load (stupid “wifi” in the sticks) so I can’t look at dreamy hairstyles. So, I’ve been IG stalking stylists’ pages. Last February, I cut my hair. I cut lots of hair, like maybe 10 inches. I enjoyed it after I cut it. I have slowly been letting it grow back out.
I think every woman goes through phases with her hair. For a long time, I loved my hair. Now, since I have less time to manage it, I feel like I hate it. Mostly because it’s always either in a bun or in a side braid. I’m stuck on what to do. It’s boring, I never do it, and I envy people who can have pretty hair without effort. I hope the hair fairy visits me tonight and magically I know what to do.
These are some cuts/colors I am oogling. Before anyone freaks…I like the cut on the blonde and although I do think the color is amazing…it would not be amazing on me.
I stole these from @hairbycharlie just in case anyone wants to know. Apparently he is in Dallas and he kicks ass.