There are so many things I wish to be in this life. The list is never ending. I read something today that really made me think about things with a whole new perspective.
I find that in most cases, this seems to be true. I am always afraid of the unknown. I find that changing who you are under that hard shell that you present to the world is very difficult. You can be whoever you want to be on the outside, the inside is a completely different story. I struggle everyday to find meaning in my life. What does God intend for me? What do I intend for me? How can I balance the two things?
Today, I have decided to become whatever I want to become. I’m not going to let reality, hardships, heartache, failure, fear, responsibilities, other people’s words or disapproval hold me back anymore. Sometimes you need that push. You need that awakening. I want to write a book. I want to have a successful blog. I want to get freelance jobs. I want to learn new things. I want to be a sponge. I want to feel fulfilled.
My mom sent me an article a few weeks ago about a girl from the town that she lives in who is a final contestant in a contest to make her lifelong dream come true. Forgive me, but her particular dream escapes me at the moment. I do remember that she enjoys composing personal love songs for couples who are getting married. The article was interesting to me, but the handwritten note that came with it from my mother was of more interest. She was telling me to follow my dreams. She was telling me that sometimes in life, you have to wait to follow your dreams, but if you want them bad enough, they will happen. It just might not be in the timeline that you had hoped. She told me about how her dreams were wait listed until after my sister and I were grown. I love you mom. I love you for still handwriting me notes. I love you for all your advice, love, and kindness. With that being said, I am going to respectfully disagree. I’m not going to wait. I am going to grab the sun from the sky. I am going to pull it close to me and I am not going to blink. I want it all. I want everything this life has to offer. I refuse to wait. I refuse to let life take me down. I refuse to die unfulfilled and unscarred. I will wake at odd hours and dream with my eyes open. I will work hard to find where I fit and then work harder to not fit there anymore. I will not give in, I will not give up.