Regret Can Suck It

As it blows, I hear the roof on our old building outside flap up and down. It makes a clacking sound. The dog howls and the leaves outside the window scatter. I close my eyes and the gusts push old memories into corners. I wait for them to settle like the leaves. I wait for them to cover me like a blanket. Then, the dreams come along with sleep. They meet me down in the depths of my soul. They drudge up old feelings, old heartbreaks and that grumpy, wrinkle-faced man named Regret.
I will spend the next hour or so laying here, thinking about all the wrong things I have done in my life. I will reach back to that dusty shelf in the dark and pull a memory one at a time. I will carefully dissect it. I will consider everything I could have done differently and then I will clean the dust off the shelf before carefully placing it back. My heart will be in my throat and it will be hard to swallow. I will carefully select another dusty piece of my history and begin to examine it. Before I know what has happened, an hour has passed and the light is beginning to brim around the shades of the room.
With the new day, I feel renewal. I feel like I have the chance to write the story of who I am. I will convince myself that I can’t do anything about the past. I will push onward in my day. But, before I do any of that, I will sneak into my son’s room and listen to him breath in his sleep. I will watch him smile. I will watch him purse his lips and readjust his position. He has no regrets. He has no concept of regret. We were all there once. We had dreams about things with no underlying feelings. I close my eyes while I stand over him. I try to imagine what that must feel like. Then, I remember that life is beautiful. Life is hard and life is full of lessons. Regret is a lesson. I exhale and open my eyes. As I do this, a faint smile comes over my lips. Regret can suck it.

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2 thoughts on “Regret Can Suck It

  1. If you don’t have regrets, you haven’t lived! So embrace them, they are lessons for living life to the fullest! A new day has dawned and your life moves forward with love and experience behind you! You are so talented and moving in your thoughts and how you express them in your blog.
    Write your heart out!

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