Fat Kid Tendencies

The fact that I don’t have a husband at home every night to cook for can be a blessing and a curse. Take tonight for example, I had brownies for dinner. Am I proud of this? Heck no. I am very embarrassed about it. I feel that if I make a conscious effort to share my unhealthy habits then that will be more steam for my motivation train.
I am going to be honest, I work harder to provide healthy meals for my seven month old than I do for myself. I think that is a normal mom trait.
I try to eat breakfast every morning. I usually end up eating pretty healthy for lunch. Dinner is my challenge. Between feeding Cooper, bath time, talking to my husband on the phone and doing any other small required task, my hunger subsides. I really have to plan if I am going to eat something healthy. I know this to be true for anyone who is cooking a dinner. The difference is that at my house, it’s only me eating. I don’t have several people depending on a meal from me. After Cooper gets fed, I am usually looking for something quick and simple. Today, I had a sweet tooth. I have been doing really well about not buying anything unhealthy. That way, it isn’t there in the pantry, tempting me. I broke down today. I made the brownies. I ate some of the brownies. I wasn’t hungry at dinner time. This is an epic diet fail.
Now, I will spend the rest of the week trying to make up for this mistake. Throughout my life, I have had fat kid tendencies. When I was very young, I struggled with weight issues. I always had thicker legs than most girls. This is evident in my lovely dance costumes. I remember in high school, I was always jealous of how skinny and slender other girl’s legs looked. I longed to have legs that were attractive. Later in life, my lifestyle choices added to my weight problems. When I had jobs where I worked late and ate late, I fattened up. When I went through stages of my early 20’s where alcohol was my crutch, I gained even more weight. Add a few bad relationships and a college degree with no job prospects and you have a very large me.
I know life is a challenge everyday. I know everyone struggles with something. I am committed to never being a fat kid again. You can judge me for eating brownies for dinner. Just don’t judge me for deciding to share that with you.

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3 thoughts on “Fat Kid Tendencies

  1. omg you have never been fat in the 9 years i have known you! i love you, and i sneak brownies at 2 am. multiple brownies. and they do not get written down in the food journal. god i love brownies.

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