Baby since you been gone
I leave the TV on
Gotta hear somebody’s voice
I just need some kind of noise
I lay some pillows down
To wrap my arms around
I pretend I’m holding you
I know it’s sad but it’s what I do
To keep me from going crazy
Those are some lyrics from Jason Aldean’s song, “I Don’t Do Lonely Well”. I was driving in the car today and I heard this song. I had one of those moments where I just felt like the song spoke to me. I do leave the TV on and I do hug the pillows a lot. I get really emotional when I think about how last year at this time, I was sharing the bed with my husband. It seems like that was a lifetime ago. I know this isn’t what we had planned when we said “I do”. I just keep praying that God has a plan for us and our marriage. I know that he will reveal it in his own time. I just need to be patient.
We have been pretty busy this week. I really enjoy busy weeks. I would like to say a special thank you to all my friends and family who are the best kind of distraction from my somewhat lonely frame of mind. This past week, Cooper and I were blessed enough to be a part of a wonderful celebration for a 40th birthday. We had lunch, went to a Bible study, hosted a meeting, shared meals with family and friends and had play dates. These are the wonderful things that make up our days.
This week, I also printed and filled out an application for a job. As soon as I finished signing my name, I wished I had never started it. I looked over at my son sleeping. He was so peaceful. He even smiled and laughed a little during his slumber. Just watching him, I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to work. My heart flutters every time he smiles at me. I think it’s because I see his daddy. He looks at me with so much love and so much trust, I can’t imagine giving up that precious time with my son to go to a job that I don’t love every day.
On a lighter note, I bought some paint samples to try out in my dining room and foyer. If all goes well, I will post some pictures next week.